Celebrating the Miracle Boy Who Made Me a Mommy

Today, I am celebrating my oldest son, Caleb’s, 21st birthday.

And, I’m a little over the moon.

So, indulge me as I share (like any momma proudly would) about his miraculous entry into this world and what he has taught me.

My pregnancy with Caleb was rather unexpected and came at a time in my life where I was ‘lost’ for lack of a better way to express that period.

I didn’t know what I wanted in life, or where I was going and I wasn’t in tune with who I really truly was deep down.

So yeah … LOST.

With the pregnancy came much upheaval in my life and many complications with my health.

Fast forward to the day I had to take myself to the hospital because I could barely breathe, (you see, I had a history of asthma since I was 13).

That visit, while only 33 weeks pregnant, landed me in the hospital overnight and then for well over a week.

You see, Caleb was in what was called a footling breech position.

Where one of his feet was lowered over my cervix, AND I was actually a few centimeters dilated and starting to thin out too.

Apparently, I was having contractions I couldn’t even feel, which led to some testing that discovered this.

Naturally, to keep him from coming too soon or his foot from coming through, they put me on bed rest and medications to keep my uterus from contracting.

Suffice it to say, that was my least favorite hospital visit to date.

I’ll spare you all the other gory details of my uncomfortable hospital stay and fast forward to just about 6 weeks later.

His position was still the same and time was running out and I really did not want to have a c-section.

So the doctors suggested what was called an external rotation.

And due to my desperation and naivety, I conceded.

It was the most painfully uncomfortable experience of my life and had I been more studious, I’d have opted out of that procedure and gone to a body-worker instead to help turn him.

Regardless, what’s done was done. That night, I woke up abruptly to the eruption of my water breaking.

It wasn’t long before the intense contractions began and the pursuit to the hospital is one ride I’ll never forget.

As I arrived at the hospital and was rushed in and quickly checked to assess where things were, I heard doctors and nurses urgently discussing to stop my labor and prep me for surgery.

I was already 8 centimeters dilated and fully effaced and DAMN, did I want to push.

When I told that to the nurse, she said, “DO NOT PUSH… you have to have a c-section, sweetie.”

And off they rushed me to surgery.

My heart sunk and fear set in.

Next thing I knew, they wanted to allow a group of medical students to observe my surgery, and I conceded selflessly even though I was mortified.

After all, this was the scariest thing I’d ever experienced in my life, the last thing I needed was a room full of onlookers at my ‘traumatic’ birth.

I still remember feeling so out of control, and as the drugs kicked in, my arms were strapped down, a feeling of extreme cold ran through me, and the worst rushing itch spread across me and flushed my face.

As they operated, I could hear them describe what they were doing… and a tugging as they pulled him out of me but I couldn’t see him.

I felt robbed. Robbed of the joy of giving birth on my own and being able to see him right away and have him placed on me.

Instead, a nurse eventually brought him over to my head so I could see him and then whisked him off, while the doctors put me back together and sewed me up.

It was hours later after my recovery that I finally got to meet and hold my little miracle.

He was absolutely PERFECT.

And at that moment, I no longer cared about the traumatic birth experience because it was all worth it.

The little boy who graced me with his presence, too soon and unexpectedly, became the best thing that ever happened to me.

He made me a mommy.

Something I could never fathom is the depth of feelings I could have until he was born.

And for that, I am eternally grateful.

The story only began that day and it still continues now 21 years later, as I am still in complete awe that I can remember with such crystal clarity the tale of his birth.

And just like that, those years flew by and he has continued to stretch me and teach me the hardships, challenges, pain, as well as the extreme joy and rewards of motherhood.

Today I share this, my BIRTH story, with you to remind you of the preciousness of life, the miracle of it, and its immense joy and beauty.

And if we let it, it can shape us into better versions of ourselves than we can ever imagine.

To my sweet Caleb, you will forever be my first baby love! Your adoring momma!