It was the summer of 2007, I had gone through the eternal fires from the pit of hell in my life experience in many ways. I was barely surviving. Deep down, I knew there was more to life that my current experience dictated. My soul was screaming at the top of her lungs; "I want more than this, there has to be more!"

To give you a little picture of where I am coming from. I had just had my 4th son and had to flee from his father to another state to escape his abuse. At the time, I felt like no one could help me but myself. And truth be told, I was exhausted beyond all comprehension of fighting - I was drained to the core; physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

It took a lot to get to this point in my life and that’s all a story for another day (I’m actually writing a book about it), but that summer was the turning point when I finally ‘woke up’ and began to fall in love with myself. The me that was buried and hiding my whole life dying to be allowed to express herself.

Perhaps you are a child of the 80’s like me and are familiar with the movie, The Labyrinth. My epiphany moment was much like Sarah (the main character, played by Jennifer Connely), when after being stuck in the Labyrinth trying to rescue her baby brother facing monsters and obstacles at every turn and being manipulated by Jareth (the goblin king played by David Bowie), she finally realized she held all the power. She exclaimed; ‘you have no power over me!'

It’s when I began to realize, I was already who I needed to be and all the perceived (and very real demons) in my path literally had NO power over me.

I had battled my whole life with feeling unacceptable, feeling unworthy, feeling like I was never good enough and that battle took me through many years of deep dark struggles. One of them was marrying a verbally abusive, unhappy man who mistreated me.

But the truth was, even though my life circumstances and upbringing shaped my reality - I knew deep down there had to be more. SO. MUCH. MORE.

So I set out on a path to becoming the ME I truly wanted to be, the me it was; a joy to be!

'The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be' ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Now suffice it to say, that epiphany was not an overnight process to arrive at, nor was it without it’s ongoing struggles, obstacles and often self sabotaging my mission; BUT what I do know for sure is that process can be boiled down into just a couple key things which I want to share with you.

If you are not happy with your life as it is currently, or you feel lost inside yourself and just want to find the real you and become the best version of her there is; keep reading, this very moment as you read could be a catalyst for the change you seek.

First, let’s dial into your vision.

Let’s get out our magic wand shall we? Take a deep breath and release it. Now I want you to focus on the following;

If you could have ANYTHING you want for your life and health in the next 6 months, what would that be? Go ahead and wave that magic wand. What comes up for you. WRITE IT DOWN.

The whole point of this is to help you get some clarity, so you can see what might be stopping you or getting in the way of you getting what you want.

Now, sometimes it’s really hard to have clarity when you find yourself getting caught up in all the problems or symptoms in your life that you don’t want. I know those could be so prevalent in your focus right now that they are fogging your vision for what you DO want. That’s OKAY -I’ve been there and I understand. Please be gentle with yourself.

So, if that is you and you truly don’t know exactly what it is that you want; consider writing a list of everything you DO NOT want. Then you can consider the opposite of that to begin to really dial into what you DO want. Take a minute, get out a piece of paper and journal what comes up for you.

Okay, are you done? What came up for you? How did that exercise feel?

Next, I want to share some things to focus on so you can continue this process on your own -perhaps in your regular journal writing routine (which I highly recommend, FYI).

First, keep in mind:  

What is in the past is gone, there are still so many opportunities which lie ahead. You can still become fully you, the version of you that you are dying to meet and fall in love with (I promise). And please know that it is never too late to move forward, we always have time to become who we want to be. Even if it takes us 43 years (or longer).

Secondly, you must believe in personal growth (alongside personal responsibility) and that it takes a lifetime, so you can stop beating yourself up already and actually wake up like every day is an adventure.

I’m a big advocate for lifelong personal growth, so settle in and trust the process of becoming you and enjoy the journey. No one is responsible for your vision other than YOU.

If you are struggling to dig through the layers of confusion in your own life that seem to be holding you back or slowing you down from really becoming the best version of YOU; here are a few ways to get to know yourself.

It’s no secret that I am a big fan of personality tests. I even now ask all my coaching clients to take one as we get started working together so I can know best how to support them, but also so they can begin to know themselves.

My first choice is the Myers Briggs personality test. It’s the one most of us are familiar with that you probably took your first year in college, especially if you took a psyche class. I am an INFP; and once I learned this about myself it was like I was given a gift. A secret manual to how I truly felt, thought and showed up in the world. And honestly, it helped a lot of the puzzle pieces fall neatly into place for me and I began to accept myself and actually appreciate my strengths and that they were incredibly valuable. Meaning, I was/am incredibly valuable. And so are you my friend!

So, what’s YOUR personality type?

I also love the Enneagram (a little more meaty) and Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies is incredibly powerful as well. It not only helps you get to know YOU but how you relate to others. Check out any of those 3 tests (get curious, be open minded) and see what comes up for you.

Ultimately, the first step to becoming who you want to truly BE is to accept who you already are. For some of us this is harder than others. I was brought up in a religious background/household that lacked acceptance and promoted a lot of judgement.

This made my journey to self-acceptance and self-love so much longer and harder, not impossible. It’s really YOUR choice, nothing can have any ongoing power over your mind and life unless you allow it to. There is so much freedom and joy even in the discovery which will be an ongoing journey.

I hope you find joy in the journey of becoming you want to be, I sure have and plan to keep sharing so more women can truly say; "it’s a joy to be me". So, let me know what came up for you after reading this post in the comments below and let’s keep this conversation going.

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